I’m back!! Sorry I took some time away..I was at a crossroads in my life (‘Crossroads’, I’m so dramatic) and I needed time away to reflect and regroup! I won’t call my ‘time away’ a sabbatical because I was still writing however alot of the pieces I wrote came from a place of anger and hurt and would require a lot of editing before I post them, I ever do…. I guess you’re all wondering what I was going through…..well it was mostly centred around my relationship with God and my faith.
During February and March I felt angry with God, I felt as though He wasn’t fulfilling the promises He had made to me. I felt that God was moving slowly and generally felt abandoned by Him. Due to all these feelings I did what Mabs does best! I dis-attached myself from Him and everything that concerned him. I stopped going to church and I realised that I started questioning and critiquing everything concerning Him and church. My focus shifted from Him (God) to things I don’t like about church and institutionalised religion. I found myself focusing on all the negatives and blaming others rather than trying to figure out how I could be the change that I wanted to see in church.
Then I started reading Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan for Serious Specific and Strategic Prayer by Priscilla Shirer. That’s when my perspective changed….okay let me be honest…my perspective is changing….
The book is split into ten strategies she believes that our prayer life should focus on and encourages us to write down strategic prayers after every strategy. I’ve found that having to write down my prayer points works for me and it has been very, very helpful because it focuses my prayers on specific areas in my life.
In the book Ms Shirer speaks about the relationship we have with the devil…actually his obsession with us and how he would do anything to steal our joy and shift our focus from what’s really important. She explains that the devil’s main aim is to steal our passion and shift our focus away from God which in turn leaves us questioning God’s love for us. WOW! WOW! WOW! What a revelation!! That statement hit me like a tonne of bricks! In my head I equated my relationship with God with that of my relationship with my husband and therefore pictured the devil as a side-chick.
(In a Wendy Williams voice)…In my head….My husband and I are living happily, having fun, going on holiday, doing what married people do and we’re falling deeper in love and our union is getting stronger. Then along comes Buki with the good hair (sorry to all Buki’s out there), the big booty and big breasts who has been observing my relationship with my husband and insists that she too wants a slice of the yellow Nigerian pie; what do you think her first mission is going to be? Yeap that’s right! She’s going to make my husband believe that she is the best thing since fried plantain and that whatever she has to offer it will be a lot better than whatever I was giving him (shifting his focus). Buki, will also try and encourage my husband to invest in her and whatever else she wants to persevere in (stealing his passion, which was once me and his family). Buki, would do all these things in different ways she doesn’t necessarily have to sleep with him, she could just be sowing little seeds of doubt in his head by making him focus on all my negative points and encouraging him to forget my positives. I, on the other hand, will still be loving up on him and doing everything I am supposed to be doing for him as a wife (Just like God does for us). In my head my relationship with my husband has never changed because I (the wife ) have never changed because I chose to love my husband unconditionally (the way God loves us).
Once I played that scenario out in my head (Nollywood style) I started to think about the spirit behind my actions and the actions of others and that in relation to God. God will forever be God, He doesn’t change, He never has or never will! God will be the same whether we worshipped in big lavish buildings in the middle of a buzzing city or in a hut in the middle of a village in Africa! However the spirit of the devil makes us lose sight of God’s never ending love for us. I lost sight of God’s never ending love for me. I let Buki with the good hair, big booty and breasts sow seeds of doubt and despair in my head. Now I cannot put all the blame on Buki, I have to take some responsibility also. I made myself available mentally. I wasn’t prayerful enough, I allowed the physical actions of others to determine my spiritual being therefore leaving a gap for Buki to come in and play her part.
So “gurl bye” to the Buki with the good hair, big booty and big breasts! Your services are no longer needed and wanted here because me, myself and I are seriously working towards specifically and strategically shifting focus from the things that do not matter to the things that DO matter. Those things are firstly my relationship with God, my family and friends, my career and my Men for Mentoring scheme!
I’m back with a VENGEANCE!!
I cannot recommend the book enough! I suggest you grab one asap!! It definitely puts a lot into perspective. Here is the link to the book:
Be Happy, Be Bright, Be You!
Love Mabs x