So obviously this whole posting on a regular basis is not working but hey…I will try to do better! And I will continue trying! So my sincere apologies for my lack of commitment…I promise I’ll get better… Well I did it! Did what? I hear you ask…I took the leap! I stepped outside of my comfort zone, for once I actually let go and let God! How? I hear you ask….well I finally made the decision to put myself and my family first.
As much as I had built lovely relationships with other members of staff as well as the students, I was however desperately un-happy. My old place of employment was not diverse at all, in terms of ratios it was probably 1:10 black minority ethnic members of staff to white Caucasian members of staff. This then meant that I had to deal with a lot of racial ignorance, sometimes racism from students, with little to nothing done about the abuse. I know what you are all thinking…why did you stay for that long? Well…I was comfortable-ish. The holidays were amazing, I was doing something I loved, and overall it was convenient. It took a comment from another member of staff to make me realise that I had to Get Out (with reference to the film )! The comment coupled with my monthly wage packet made me realise that my skill set was not aligned with the role therefore dawned on me that it was time to take my own advice and take the leap!
I made the decision to move on. However, I went into the application process with a defeatist mentality. Who would want to hire me? I don’t live in St. Albans, neither do I have blonde hair and blue eyes, I am a mother, I have a ‘foreign’ name and to top it all off I had been out of the project management sector for three years! However the little voice within me told me to let go and let God and so I did…kind off. After downloading the application pack and filling out all the basic aspects of it, False Evidence Appearing Real kicked in! After convincing myself that I was not competent enough to fill out the personal statement part of the application form, I asked my husband to do it for me…
‘No, do it yourself and I’ll just check over it’. My response, ‘You NEVER want to help me…blah blah blah’. His response ‘You need to have more faith in yourself Mabinty, stop putting yourself down’. My reply, ‘Whatever, you just don’t want to help me’.
So the Stubborn Susie within went ahead and filled out the application form without even telling him and sent it a day before deadline! When I sent the application form in, I had convinced myself that I wasn’t going to get shortlisted at all! Thursday May 25th rolled along, exactly a week after the application deadline. I remember being in the sports hall invigilating yet another exam… bear with me while I digress…
If you ever want to know what dying of boredom would feel like, invigilate an exam. Literally the most soul sucking experience EVER! Especially when you are made to do it time and time again!
Anywhoo back to my testimony…at that moment, as I contemplated my life, I had a conversation with God! Actually let me rephrase I was telling Him off paired with a lot of woe is me statements “Why doesn’t anything good ever happen for?” so on and so on. At the end of the exchange with God I simply said, “If this is for me then it will be for me”. In hindsight I believe God was laughing at me, He probably thought ‘look at this girl, if only she knew’. Then the email appeared in my inbox at 3pm…I looked for the ‘You have been unsuccessful on this occasion’ line but couldn’t find it! Instead I saw, ‘You have been successful’ then I panicked! Sugar Honey Ice Tea! I never expected to get shortlisted! So I spent the following week reading on everything and anything to do with faith and education!
Interview day came, the sun was shining. I remember telling myself that the interview was a practice for the future roles I was going to apply for…then I walked in and committed a faux par immediately! I called the director Stuart instead of James and immediately thought that was it! The job was no longer mine! It’s funny because after that incident my nerves were gone! I decided to be myself! I left the interview content with my performance and for a practice went well.
I didn’t expect to hear from them until the following week! But two hours after the interview I got the call that I thought I would never get ‘We would like to offer you the role of Project Coordinator for the Church of England’s Foundation for Educational Leadership, we look forward to working with you’. At that moment in time I felt that God had truly come through for me. I did it! I faced my fears and took the leap from one fish bowl into another!
I have said all this to ultimately say; Apply for that job you’ve always wanted, move to that country you have always wanted to live in, start that business you have always wanted to start! Have faith in yourself but more importantly have faith in the God that you serve! I felt stuck in a job where I wasn’t growing, a job that I wasn’t happy in however I stayed stuck because I was scared and confused. Then I took a leap into the unknown, within the unknown is where I found happiness and clarity. Let go and let GOD!
Be Bright, Be Happy, Be YOU!
Love Mabs x