Dear Future Me….

It’s my birthday (well it was on Saturday)!! Yaayyy!! Finally 29! You wouldn’t believe that now I am finally turning 29 all my friends have either turned 30 or are about to turn 30! So you can only understand my excitement!

I love birthdays! I always have. I think I love the idea of having all the people I love together in one room, eating, drinking, dancing and just enjoying life. Thinking about it, I would like my funeral to be one big party, with lots of food, drink and dancing. I would love for everyone to come in the colour purple or gold or both or wear African cloth. Just a burst of colour! I wouldn’t want flowers I would just like for everyone to donate to my favourite charities like Shelter, Plan UK and Men4Mentoring!

Anywhoo I digress…back to my birthday… I love them. Every year I try and celebrate. It just so happens that my husband is two days older than me so this time of the year is always very special to me/us. Although I love to celebrate and live life to the fullest from the 24th day through to the 26th day of the eighth month, I also take time out to reflect on the past year of my life and try and make some positive changes to improve my spiritual, physical and emotional wellbeing.

Last year I was terribly depressed on my birthday, I didn’t even want to get out of bed. I think I got up about 3pm in the afternoon. I was in a mood. I was disappointed. I was angry. I was resentful. I was not myself. I remember crying most of the day. Why? Well it’s a long story one that requires another blogpost, when the wounds of my past have fully healed. So this year I was dreading my birthday. I wasn’t looking forward to it at all. However this year I had to tell myself that I wasn’t going to let things or people affect my mood. I was not going to dwell on the things I could not control. The dark cloud called misery was not going to affect my life. Dwelling Dawn was leaving for good and Hopeful Holly was coming to stay. So after sieving through all my emotions and listening to ‘Dear Future Me’ by James Fortune and Fiya I sat down to pen a letter to my future self:

Dear Future Me,

Firstly well done for getting this far! At times I’m sure the road seemed rocky, at times I’m certain that you just wanted to give up! All I can say is well done for sticking through this complex, emotionally draining thing called life. You have made it to this day and you will make it to tomorrow and the next day by His Grace!

Now to the nitty gritty; Stop worrying about things that you cannot change. Your worrying will not make a positive impact to your situation instead it will only increase your anxiety and question your faith. Remember it will ALWAYS work out in the end. Trust in God and trust in you! You’ve made it up until this point haven’t you? Certain things will be out of your control….so simply let go and let God.

Focus on yourself, Isaiah, his brother and sister and Tolu. I guess I am trying to say in the most polite way ever is BE SELFISH! Always remember “I Before Others”! Stop going out of your way for people but instead go out of your way for yourself and your boys and little girl! What I have realised is that no matter how much you love people and make sacrifices for them, they will not always make the same sacrifices for you and that’s okay. Just remember do not break your back for people that cannot even bend backwards for you. Remember to say NO when you are not comfortable with something. Think about yourself first before you say yes. Saying ‘No’ does not mean you do not care! It just means that you cannot at that particular time.

I guess this leads me to my next point; do not dwell on the past or the past hurt that you have experienced in the hands of others. Life is too short. Think about it, did you ever imagine that you would be sat where you are currently reading a letter from a younger version of yourself? No. I didn’t think you did. So that illustrates that time moves forward. So should you. You have spent many years covering up the emotional scars of your past….embrace them and leave them where they should be…in the past. Don’t waste your precious short time on this Earth dwelling on things or people you cannot change.

Believe in yourself! You have so much potential, do not let the opinions of others (including family and friends) deter you from this mind-set. You have achieved so much in your life so far, think about how much more you could have achieved if you caught this revelation in your youth. Do not waste any more time! You can and you WILL! Whenever that procrastination spirit wants to get hold of you remember, “The secret to getting ahead is to get started”.

Live in every moment! I trust you will be able to do this because you love to have a good time. Life is about living. Go and see the world, Climb Mountains, run marathons! Live a life that’s worthy. Think of all the stories you’ll pass down to your grandchildren.

Finally always choose Joy. It’s the best armour against misery and the devil and your haters! Trust me it’s worked this far!

After writing my letter, I can now say I am E to the X CITED! To step into my last year of my twenties what has been the most emotional, most challenging, most revealing nine years of my life. However the nine years also gave me the greatest joys of all. They saw me from a Miss into a Mrs when I married Caramel Latte (yes I love a latte) man and obviously the nine years in which I achieved my biggest accomplishment of all…my big eyed, big smile, energetic, mini me! My Isaiah.

So yes… the storms have come but they’ve also gone…the sun is shining!! I cannot wait to shine into and in my 30s because I am on the path to being able to see clearly again.

Why don’t you give it a go! Write your own ‘Dear Future Me’ letter. What would like to tell an older version of yourself? What lessons have you learnt? Let’s start the #dearfuturemechallenge. Trust me it’ll be the most therapeutic thing you have ever done! I’ll leave you with a snippet of the song ‘Dear Future Me’.

As Always,

Be Happy, Be Bright, Be YOU!

Love Mabs xx

Seriously, Specifically and Strategically Shifting Focus.

I’m back!! Sorry I took some time away..I was at a crossroads in my life (‘Crossroads’, I’m so dramatic) and I needed time away to reflect and regroup! I won’t call my ‘time away’ a sabbatical because I was still writing however alot of the pieces I wrote came from a place of anger and hurt and would require a lot of editing before I post them, I ever do…. I guess you’re all wondering what I was going through…..well it was mostly centred around my relationship with God and my faith.

During February and March I felt angry with God, I felt as though He wasn’t fulfilling the promises He had made to me. I felt that God was moving slowly and generally felt abandoned by Him. Due to all these feelings I did what Mabs does best! I dis-attached myself from Him and everything that concerned him. I stopped going to church and I realised that I started questioning and critiquing everything concerning Him and church. My focus shifted from Him (God) to things I don’t like about church and institutionalised religion. I found myself focusing on all the negatives and blaming others rather than trying to figure out how I could be the change that I wanted to see in church.

Then I started reading Fervent: A Woman’s Battle Plan for Serious Specific and Strategic Prayer by Priscilla Shirer. That’s when my perspective changed….okay let me be honest…my perspective is changing….

The book is split into ten strategies she believes that our prayer life should focus on and encourages us to write down strategic prayers after every strategy. I’ve found that having to write down my prayer points works for me and it has been very, very helpful because it  focuses my prayers on specific areas in my life.

In the book Ms Shirer speaks about the relationship we have with the devil…actually his obsession with us and how he would do anything to steal our joy and shift our focus from what’s really important. She explains that the devil’s main aim is to steal our passion and shift our focus away from God which in turn leaves us questioning God’s love for us. WOW! WOW! WOW! What a revelation!! That statement hit me like a tonne of bricks! In my head I equated my relationship with God with that of my relationship with my husband and therefore pictured the devil as a side-chick.

(In a Wendy Williams voice)…In my head….My husband and I are living happily, having fun, going on holiday, doing what married people do and we’re falling deeper in love and our union is getting stronger. Then along comes Buki with the good hair (sorry to all Buki’s out there), the big booty and big breasts who has been observing my relationship with my husband and insists that she too wants a slice of the yellow Nigerian pie; what do you think her first mission is going to be? Yeap that’s right! She’s going to make my husband believe that she is the best thing since fried plantain and that whatever she has to offer it will be a lot better than whatever I was giving him (shifting his focus). Buki, will also try and encourage my husband to invest in her and whatever else she wants to persevere in (stealing his passion, which was once me and his family). Buki, would do all these things in different ways she doesn’t necessarily have to sleep with him, she could just be sowing little seeds of doubt in his head by making him focus on all my negative points and encouraging him to forget my positives. I, on the other hand, will still be loving up on him and doing everything I am supposed to be doing for him as a wife (Just like God does for us). In my head my relationship with my husband has never changed because I (the wife ) have never changed because I chose to love my husband unconditionally (the way God loves us).

Once I played that scenario out in my head (Nollywood style) I started to think about the spirit behind my actions and the actions of others and that in relation to God. God will forever be God, He doesn’t change, He never has or never will! God will be the same whether we worshipped in big lavish buildings in the middle of a buzzing city  or in a hut in the middle of a village in Africa! However the spirit of the devil makes us lose sight of God’s never ending love for us. I lost sight of God’s never ending love for me. I let Buki with the good hair, big booty and breasts sow seeds of doubt and despair in my head. Now I cannot put all the blame on Buki, I have to take some responsibility also. I made myself available mentally. I wasn’t prayerful enough, I allowed the physical actions of others to determine my spiritual being therefore leaving a gap for Buki to come in and play her part.

So “gurl bye” to the Buki with the good hair, big booty and big breasts! Your services are no longer needed and wanted here because me, myself and I are seriously working towards specifically and strategically shifting focus from the things that do not matter to the things that DO matter. Those things are firstly my relationship with God, my family and friends, my career and my Men for Mentoring scheme!

I’m back with a VENGEANCE!!

I cannot recommend the book enough! I suggest you grab one asap!! It definitely puts a lot into perspective. Here is the link to the book:

As always

Be Happy, Be Bright, Be You!

Love Mabs x



The Ring Don’t Change a Thing!

I love with the utmost passion Judge Lynn Toler from Divorce Court! I truly believe that she keeps it real (which I love) and gives sensible and practical advice. When I came across this video;; I thought ‘Thank you Jesus’ (in my southern accent)! Every woman who is wanting that ring needs to hear this! God knows I needed to hear this when I was single it would have squashed any idealistic Mills and Boon marital ideology I ever had! The truth of the matter is whatever you dislike about your partner does not miraculously vanish once you get the ring or after you walk down the aisle!

I honestly believe that God shows you signs as to why the person you’re dating should/should not be your future spouse. Both men and women put their best feet forward during the courting stage. For example a woman will cook her man a meal fit for the king just to impress him whilst a man will shower his woman with gifts and holidays to impress his lady. Therefore, if a man’s best is having a ‘side-chick’ or him being incapable of holding down a job then consider these as signs that maybe he is just not yet ready for marriage as these traits will not automatically go away when he gives you a ring.

I find these days that women are more keen on getting that ring and planning a big lavish bellanaija wedding than they are about preparing for their marriage. Yes, the wedding day is important because it is the day you make a solemn promise to your partner and God in front of your family and friends, but once it’s over then you and your spouse are left to your own devices and then life begins! Boy does life begin! 

Marriage is a daily compromise between two strangers who love one another (the key word being strangers)! I thought I knew my husband (we met when we were sixteen years old) but in reality I didn’t know him as well as I thought I did. Once we started living together I saw a different side to him and he saw a different side to me, sometimes a side I/he loved but most often sides we both probably could do without! 

I tell my friends to ALWAYS pray for their relationships. This is because I find that many females are prayer warriors when they want the ring then once they get the ring they think their job is done when in actual fact the work has just begun. Dating brings it’s own challenges, same as when you’re engaged that brings more challenges and so forth and so forth. 

Issues will surely arise when you are engaged/ married but don’t lose faith in your spouse but most importantly don’t lose faith in God.

As Always…

Be Happy, Be Bright, Be You!

Love Mabs xx 

New Year…New You?

​Happy New Year!! I was so excited to write and publish my last post that I forgot to wish you all a Happy New Year!! I hope your first 7 days have been great so far!

Wow seven days has passed us already! To think this time last week I had been to watch night service, had a catchup with new friends and was most likely tucking into my ayemase  with white rice whilst gisting with my husband and friend. This week however, I’m on the sofa  mentally preparing myself for work on Tuesday and reflecting on the past week.

Week one of 2017 has been dramatic for some (from celebrity big brother to Chris Brown and Soulja Boy to Nikki and Meek Mill)! For me, however, its been very positive! I took my first leap of the year by publishing this blog, began to be more sociable (went on a few dinner/lunch and play dates with friends) and created a spreadsheet with all my plans and goals for this year. So I guess I have started off on the right foot! The only thing now (what I find the most difficult) is to keep the momentum going. In order to get over that hurdle this year I asked a few people to mentor me. I felt that by asking for a mentor (in different areas where I need improvement) I’ll be accountable to someone and I’lll also be building genuine relationships (also one of my goals this year).

It took a lot out of me to ask those women to mentor me. I felt that in order for me to achieve my utmost potential this year and always, I need to have a constant figure in my life who will steer me back on track when and if I derail.

I envision that 2017 will be a year of firsts and lasts for me only because I am soo tired of (year in and year out) being in the same position. Always wanting change but never doing anything about it. I am ready to take control of my life. I’ve had enough of making excuses. I literally have no excuse, I’m alive, I’m well, I have all the resources available to me so why am I still stuck on square one? Whilst others have greater challenges and are going through deeper issues.

To finish, I just want to encourage anyone who hasn’t had the greatest of weeks…YOU CAN DO THIS!! Whatever ‘this’ may be. You’re a lot stronger than you think! So make that move towards a happier and healthier you not just for 2017 

As always…. 

Be Happy, Be Bright, Be You!

Love Mabs xx

7 Lessons From My 1st Year of Parenthood  

​Midway through December last year I marked one year of Motherhood! An accomplishment I  thought would never come especially during those sleepless nights. So when the day came I was overcome with emotion. We did it! We got through our first year of sleepless nights, lack of social life, endless nappy changes and  milky vomits. One thing that was certain was that it was definitely not easy but in saying all of that here are seven things I learnt.

1. Do not say No to help..You’ll need it

Myself and my husband both have a lot of pride! We find it very difficult to ask for help even when we really need it. After Isaiah was born I wanted to be super-mum, trying to do it all and then cry at night to my husband that I was burnt out! When in actual fact I could have saved myself the agony by accepting help that was offered to me and also asking for it when I needed it. It really does take a village to raise a child.

2. Go at your own pace.
One thing I must say that I did and did well was do things at my own pace. A lot of people will give you solicited and sometimes unsolicited advice. Pick and choose what it is you want and what it is you do not want. Many will tell you ‘this is how I did it’ or ‘you’re not doing it right’. Your child your choices! Do not let pressure tie you down or question your parenting. Only you know your child, so go with your instincts (they’ll never let you down).

3. Every Child is Different.
This was the statement I used when people would ask me why my son wasn’t doing something. For example, he didn’t do a poo every day in his first three months. So I would constantly be asked by family and friends why he hasn’t pooed and would be told that it wasn’t normal. Well…truth is it was normal for my son. He would poo every other day and on the days he did poo it would be at the very least three times! Also my son started walking at eight and a half months but at that age only had two teeth whilst another boy his age had six teeth but was still only crawling. Be rest assured that your child will develop appropriately but at his and her time.

4. Stay away from Google!
I learnt the art of this whilst pregnant! If you’re a hypochondriac like myself then Dr. Google is no place for you or your baby. It’ll make you think that your baby has something new and contagious when it might just be a common cold. What I found useful was the NHS 111 service. Everytime I had a question about something I would call them and they will either refer me to an out of hours doctor or tell me to give him calpol or some sort of painkiller.

5. Make time for you and yours!
In the blur of parenthood it’s easy to forget who you are and also forget your relationship as your sole focus is on your new addition. The new financial pressure meant we couldn’t go on our regular date nights. We were both so engrossed with our mini-me we forgot about each other and also ourselves. So once you feel comfortable leaving your baby resume your date-nights, make some time for yourself and whilst out try not to talk baby (very hard to do)! If money is an issue ask family and friends to watch baby whilst you and your partner enjoy a Netflix and Chill 😉 with the Marks and Spencer Dine in for two for £10 or if you shop in tesco swap your clubcard points for a meal out. The options are endless! Please remember they won’t be babies for long…one day they’ll move out so continue to invest in your relationship.

6. Prayer is Key!
When in doubt pray! Prayer works. Only God can give you the tools and the wisdom to raise your child accordingly and be the parent that you want to be. I found a lot of comfort in praying especially during those times when I found things difficult or felt like ‘just a mum’. For me prayer isn’t  (always) speaking in tongues or on my knees, eyes closed in tears. Most of the time it’s me on the sofa speaking to God as if I were speaking to my husband! The best therapy ever! You should try it.

7. You’re doing GREAT!
Quite simply…You’re doing an amazing job. Tell yourself that everyday and eventually you’ll believe it. Remember this is new to you too so you’re not going to get everything straight away. Don’t put so much pressure on yourself! Enjoy every moment you have with your little one because (it’ll shock you) they’re not babies for long. Before you know they’ll be running around and trashing your house! 

As always…

Be Happy, Be Bright, Be You!

Love Mabs xx

End of Year 5 Days of Reflection: Day 5 Forgiveness

​To conclude my 5 days of Reflection I’m going to end on one of the things I find the most difficult to do…that is to forgive! Now as a major aim in 2017 is to have peace in every aspect of my life I know I can only do that by forgiving those who have hurt me. However I believe that it’s a lot easier said than done. In my heart I often tell myself and God that I have forgiven all those that have hurt me…but then…I get a flashback or the same people disappoint me (again) and the feelings of hate and resentment crop up (maybe hate is too strong of a word, I’ll say extreme dislike 😊) and I find myself under that dark cloud called misery. Sometimes in my head I am plotting ways I can get back at them or if they happen to have contacted me I’ll hit them with the truth…but not in a loving way…in a way that I know that’ll hurt them the same way they hurt me.  I always know it’s wrong but I don’t always feel bad which I know is wrong also! So moving forward in 2017 I’m going to work on forgiving all those that have hurt me. I will also work on thinking before I respond to disappointment and hurt! God knows my intention every year is this but this year it’s not just an intention it’s a prayer/ fasting point (fasting alone is a prayer point by itself! We’ll leave that for another day! 

To conclude in 2017 I’m stepping into my year of divine Faith. My year of Love in Action, My year of endless Joy, My year of unknown territories and finally my year of forgiveness and peace! What are you stepping into in 2017?

End of Year 5 Days of Reflection: Day 4 It’s Time to Leap!

​Hi! My name is Mabs the Procrastinator! I love to make an excuse at every given chance..2016 was no different. I had so many goals and targets I wanted to achieve this year but to be honest I haven’t achieved any apart from going back to work. Don’t get me wrong I am extremely proud of the fact that I went back to work, in a new school, in a new area and a different role but there were a million other things I wanted to achieve this year that I did not. Everytime I wanted to take the leap..I would make an excuse as to why my goal wasn’t achieveable or cave in to my fears hence today 29th of December I’m no step closer to what it is I wanted to achieve.

In saying all of this, this past month I started making moves towards bringing two not for profit initiatives I want to embark on in 2017 to life. I sent emails to various businesses and charities explaining what it is I want to do but only a handful came back to me congratulating me about my idea and wishing me luck but not showing much interest past pleasantries. So in typical Mabinty form I gave up! In my head it’s not worked…when in actual fact I haven’t even tried!
Moving forward to 2017 I’m going to endeavour to have more self belief and be more daring in all aspects of my life. I always let my anxiety get to me and (especially this year) use it as an excuse as to why I can’t complete things! Well no more!! 2017 I’m going to step into the most daring year of my life yet! I will take those chances and jump into unknown territory. So if you’re like me a ‘Safe Sally’ or a ‘Procrastinating Priscilla’ I encourage you to take this leap with me to achieve your goals this year. Really…think about it…What’s the worse that can happen?

End of Year 5 Days of Reflection: Day 3 Joy

“…Joy is a decision, not a reaction to circumstances….” 

We may not be able to choose or control the circumstances we sometimes find ourselves in, but we can choose and control how we respond to those circumstances.
This statement was posted on Monday September 19th on Collate an all female whattsapp group I am apart of. It resonated with me because for the past God knows how many years I haven’t felt complete joy. Now don’t get me wrong I’ve had joyful moments, my wedding day, the birth of my son, time with certain family members and friends but for some reason I’ve felt that my joy has not been constant. After reading this statement I chose to choose joy in every situation…then October 3rd happened exactly 2 weeks to the day. A situation occurred whereby I was blamed for doing something which had absolutely nothing to do me by someone who I believe had no right to involve in the situation at hand. I flipped! Anger, resentment, hurt that I had buried for a long time resurfaced and I said a lot of things I did not mean and acted in a way that was not aligned with my new ‘zen’ self. Although I got an apology I found that I went back to my depressive state (a state I was in for a long time previously) I felt low and the only 2 reasons I was able to leave my bed was because of my 8th month old son and my 9-5. Then I read the statement again; “…Joy is a decision, not a reaction to circumstances….”. Although I was extremely hurt by the events that transpired on the 3rd of October I should never have allowed that circumstance to determine the way I felt or for those people to steal my joy and ruin my week. Therefore in 2017 I am choosing joy over everything. I can’t control other people’s actions or
circumstances I may find myself in but I will definitely choose how I respond and control how it affects me! #fivedaysofreflection #Day3Joy #2017IchooseJoy 😊😊


End Of Year 5 Days of Reflection: Day 2 Love

This year I spent most of it dwelling on the reasons why certain people didn’t love me, show an interest in me or my family to the point where I felt I took those people who God strategically placed in my life to fill that void for granted. I spent the majority of the year expecting to receive love the way I gave it or expected people to show the same interest in me as I did in them. There were many times this year where I felt disappointed by certain members of my family and friends as I felt they didn’t make the same efforts I made/ make for them. 

It baffled and hurt me this year whilst trying to comprehend how complete strangers went out of their way to show us random acts of love and support (especially after we became parents) but the people who we thought would step up did not.

Until my wise husband opened my eyes to something. Just because you love someone in a certain way does not mean that they will love you the exact same way. He (and other friends) urged me to decrease my expectations because inevitably unmet expectations breeds disappointment which in result breeds resentment. It’s taken me a long time to come and accept this…actually in all honesty I’m still trying to accept this concept. 

So to all those people who have been actively present in our lives (old and new) and have made the utmost efforts to show us love and support..thank you and sorry if I/We took you for granted! Moving forward in 2017 my aim is to build meaningful relationships and ultimately  friendships to last my lifetime. I will aim not to expect anything other than what it is. Overall next year I want to show love to those who need it the most like the way certain people randomly showed me/us love when I/we needed it the most. My #Loveinaction starts in 2017! #fivedaysofreflection #2k16 #Day2Love

End of Year 5 Days of Reflection: Day 1 Faith

​As 2016 comes to an end it’s only natural that one takes time out to reflect on the past year. This year started of bitter-sweet as I had just become a mother, however the pressures of motherhood hit me like a tonne of bricks at times finding it very difficult to cope emotionally. Furthermore the arrival of our son also put pressure on our marriage as well as our finances. In 2015 we were carefree newlyweds who went on several holidays, date nights and  never had to budget for childcare or it was more than a shock to the system! However God gave us the tools to make it work and saw us through. On top of all these pressures we also had a family bereavement this year. Once again God’s grace saw us through. In saying all of this I firmly believe that 2016 was a test from God. The devil tried to steal our joy, he tried to shake my marriage and other relationships but failed…miserably! However as hard as he tried to destroy my spirit, my faith grew and grew. Some days all I had was my FAITH whereby I wholeheartedly trusted that God will see us through certain situations and low and behold He ALWAYS did! So in 2016 I learnt the true meaning of FAITH and perseverance! When I/we felt like we had no one, God came through for us in one way or another.

I just want to encourage anyone who has had a difficult year or is going through something difficult right now…leave it all to HIM, He will surely make a way. As cliché as it may sound…try it…trust me it works! #fivedaysofreflection #2k16 #Day1Faith